Authentic, Not Unfiltered: How to Be a Real Leader Without Oversharing

You’ve probably seen the articles making the rounds. Titles like "Why Authentic Leadership Backfires" from Harvard Business Review are causing a stir, and for good reason. They argue that being "too real" can make you look weak, indecisive, or unprofessional.

And here’s my take: they're not entirely wrong, but they're not entirely right, either. The entire debate hinges on a fundamental misunderstanding of what authentic leadership truly is.

The critics are right about one thing: if your definition of "authenticity" is saying every thought that pops into your head, sharing every fear without a filter, or refusing to adapt your style to the needs of your team, then yes—that version of authenticity will backfire.

But that’s a caricature of authenticity, not the real thing. It’s not a license to be unprofessional. It's the key to being a leader people trust and want to follow, especially when things get tough.

So, how do we lead authentically without losing credibility? We start by getting the definition right.

Authenticity Isn't Radical Honesty, It's Consistent Integrity

The critics of authentic leadership often confuse it with being an open book. But you don't have to share your deepest insecurities to be an authentic leader.

True authenticity is about alignment. It's when your actions consistently reflect your core values and beliefs. It’s about being a leader who is:

• Self-Aware: You know your strengths, your weaknesses, and your core principles. You understand how you show up and how your behavior impacts others.

• Transparent (with purpose): You don't hide information to control people. You're open about the "why" behind your decisions and you share your thought process—not just your raw emotions.

• Value-Driven: Your team knows what you stand for because they see it in your decisions every single day, not just in a framed poster on the wall.

When you lead this way, you build something far more powerful than just a friendly rapport: you build trust. Your team doesn't have to guess who you're going to be from one day to the next. They know your character is steady, even when the circumstances aren't.

How to Be Authentic, Not Unfiltered: 3 Practical Steps

Navigating this is a skill. It’s about finding the sweet spot between being a robot and being a mess. Here's how to start:

1. Lead with Your Values, Not Your Feelings. Feeling stressed about a deadline? Instead of saying, "I'm totally overwhelmed and not sure we can do this," try framing it from your values. "This is a challenging deadline, and I value both high-quality work and our team's well-being. Let's brainstorm how we can meet the goal without burning out." One is a moment of unfiltered anxiety; the other is authentic, reassuring leadership.

2. Know Your Audience. The way you share information with a trusted mentor will be different from how you address your entire team during a crisis. That’s not being fake; it’s being a skilled communicator. Tailor your message to what your audience needs to hear to feel confident and informed, not what you need to say to vent.

3. Practice Strategic Vulnerability. Vulnerability isn't about confessing your deepest fears. It’s about being human. It's saying things like, "I don't have the answer to that yet, but I'm committed to finding it," or "I was wrong about that decision, and here’s what I learned." This builds psychological safety and shows your team that it's okay to take risks and learn from mistakes.

Ultimately, authentic leadership isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice. It’s about having the courage to lead from your core values while having the wisdom to adapt your approach to serve your team best. It’s how you build a resilient team and prevent the burnout that comes from pretending to be someone you’re not.

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Christine Lloyd-Newberry is a leadership coach and the founder of Emerge Empowered, a practice dedicated to helping leaders prevent burnout and build resilient, high-performing teams. If you're ready to lead with more energy and less stress, take the next step.

Visit emerge-empowered.com to book your complimentary discovery call.

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